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Table of Contents
About The Book
As a child, Antonia perceived her father’s nighttime visits as special acts of love. On some deeper level, though, she knew what was happening wasn’t right. To escape, she began creating imaginary worlds and used dreams to transport her away from her fears. As she got older, Antonia traded those fantasies for dance—but despite her outlets she remained trapped underwater, without a lifeline to make her feel fundamentally safe.
For years, Antonia silently navigated the dark fathoms of her internalized pain, which manifested in myriad self-destructive habits: disordered eating, drug and alcohol abuse. Only decades later, while recovering from a serious bike accident, did she finally stop running and start reflecting—giving her the power to fully accept what had happened to her in her early life and ultimately forgive the unforgivable.
Raw and visceral yet gorgeously lyrical, Underwater Daughter masterfully conveys not only the rippling effects of childhood trauma but also the hope that with honesty and work, healing is possible.
Product Details
- Publisher: She Writes Press (May 2, 2023)
- Length: 280 pages
- ISBN13: 9781647424237
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Raves and Reviews
2024 IPPY Awards Gold Winner in Autobiography/Memoir (Personal Struggle/Health Issues)
2023 Chanticleer International Book Awards Winner in the Journey Book Awards
2023 Best Book Awards Finalist in Nonfiction: Inspirational
2023 BookFest Awards First Place Winner in Nonfiction: Relationships - Family
2023 BookFest Awards Second Place Winner in Nonfiction: Memoirs - Personal and Memoirs - Transformational
2023 Third Place Winner in Artistic & Technical: Audio Book - Overall Presentation
“Deignan’s writing style is courageously confessional and creatively descriptive . . . An elegantly written and harrowing remembrance of the long-lasting impact of childhood trauma.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Written in rich, insightful prose, Underwater Daughter showcases hard-won self knowledge and wisdom, while inviting readers to feel Deignan’s wounds and joys.”
—BookLife Reviews, Editor's Pick
“From these pieces emerge a partial sense of how Deignan learned to reconfigure the impact of her physical and psychic pains to achieve healing and forgiveness. Underwater Daughter is a poetic memoir about transformation and transcendence after abuse.”
—Foreword Clarion Reviews
“In Underwater Daughter, Antonia Deignan delivers a heart-shattering memoir of painful truth and soulful healing. Word by word, her powerful story dances across the page with lyrical rhythm, all while diving deep into the mind warping currents of childhood sexual abuse. Readers follow along as she swims through the many decades of emotional waves before finally learning to untangle herself from the deep. By the end, we all heal alongside her as she resurfaces to claim the light. A must-read for anyone who has ever suffered abuse at the hands of someone they love—or loved someone who has.”
—Julie Cantrell, New York Times and USA Today best-selling author of Perennials
“Underwater Daughter is an unflinchingly brave and nuanced memoir with lyrical prose so inventive, it will take your breath away. Deignan's book is a life-giving siren's song to memory, the body, family, survival, forgiveness, and ultimately, to love.”
—Julie Barton, New York Times best-selling author of Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me from Myself
“Underwater Daughter is pure magic. From her first line to her last, Antonia Deignan takes us on a wild ride, from her perilous childhood through many hardships to the resilient woman she became. Her voice is utterly inventive. Written with stunning originality and passion, this is a book readers will long remember.”
—Linda Schreyer, television/screenwriter and coauthor of Tears and Tequila
“Underwater Daughter is a poem, an anthem, a polished crystal, and one of the most profound books I've ever read. Antonia Deignan writes of family, dysfunction, and forgiveness beyond our human experience, revealing the exquisite beauty of life in all its pain and joy. Her voice is like the wind: fierce, restorative, and new.”
—Debra Landwehr Engle, author of The Only Little Prayer You Need
“Like the author’s dancing, this memoir seems to have some nameless tune in its core. Deignan gently paints a picture of even the most difficult moments in her life. She has decided to live her life lovingly, and by doing so gives us all a path forward.”
—Harriet Ross, cofounder of Dance for Life and retired general manager of the Joffrey Ballet
“In Underwater Daughter, the author bravely faces her humanity and dives into excavating her inner and outer life. Written with a clever hand, the read is intimate, raw, and shares unfiltered vivid memories of abuse, survival, love, trauma, dance, relationships, healing, evolution, and so much more. This memoir is a meaty, meaningful journey that kept me captivated and wanting more.”
—Sherry Zunker, found and creator of BeMoved Dance
“Antonia Deignan’s Underwater Daughter is a spellbinding memoir. At once a lyrical portrait of a young woman’s coming of age and of a mother’s coming into herself, it is a beautiful, gripping memoir of love and art, and of overcoming damage through both. Underwater Daughter is an odyssey of coming home to oneself by laying claim to one’s body and desires—as a dancer, lover, mother, teacher. Wise, moving, instructive, gorgeous.”
—E. J. Levy, author of The Cape Doctor
“It’s poetic, descriptive, and segues into scene after scene like a dance. Antonia, I felt you as a four- and five-year-old. I pained for you and angered for you at the attention and the inattention you received from your parents, respectively. I am so in awe of how you are vulnerable, raw, and soothing with your writing. This took my breath away. I felt this.”
—Stephanie Arnold, producer, speaker, and author of 37 Seconds
“Underwater Daughter starts with disjointed pieces of prose and poetry violently breaking across the page like smashed glass. As you compulsively turn its pages, the writing gradually becomes more lyrical and coherent, the jagged shards subtly glued together to produce a beautiful and colorful mosaic out of all the broken bits. It is a writing style that perfectly suits its underlying subject. This is the story of an abused child, running from her terrors as an adult, finally made whole through self-reflection and a searing honesty. A brave, moving, and compelling work.”
—Richard C. Morais, author of The Hundred-Foot Journey
“Antonia Deignan makes ‘raw’ feel very accessible. Her unflinching detail mocks the painful absurdity of a world where brutal adults leave a child holding self-blame in tiny hands. Prepare your senses to move fluidly through her stunning observations in which she masterfully captures the burden of trauma at a cellular level. Never mind a life of clenched fists and secrets kept, this selfless writer opens her soul so that others may bathe in the bravery of her words. And dance. And heal.”
—Pamela Weiss, founder of Hold This While IP Productions, writer, and producer
“In a sea of trauma memoirs, Antonia Deignan’s Underwater Daughter breaks poetically through the surface, like sunlight dancing on turbulent water. The evocative and beautifully crafted prose and poems that narrate Deignan’s transcendence leap across the pages—the writing has the rhythm that only a trained dancer could produce. Artful, inspiring, and redemptive, Underwater Daughter is a book I will turn to again, laced as it is with love, wisdom, art, culture, and the kind of transformational forgiveness and nurturing that is the best of humanity.”
—Rebecca Bloom, founder of Communications Bloom and coauthor of The Anti-Cookbook
“In Underwater Daughter, Deignan invites the reader to take a deep soul-dive using poetic imagery and beautiful prose to understand the extent of her pain from childhood trauma. Then the author continues her narrative by offering her wisdom of the healing power of movement through human suffering, bringing us to the surface again to breathe, heal, dance, and live fully. This book is a beautiful conversation seeking to connect our stories and shift us to greater love. Beautifully done.”
—Meg Nocero, award-winning author of The Magical Guide to Bliss, Sparkle and Shine, and Butterfly Awakens: A Memoir of Transformation through Grief
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