Chapter One: Love, Romance, and the Soul

The question I'm asked the most often is "Are we compatible?"

After one of my public appearances, a couple will furtively come up to me, and one spouse will say, "I'm a Scorpio and my partner is a Leo. Astrology books say our signs aren't harmonious; will our marriage last?" There is an urgency in their voices as if their "incompatible" Sun signs were time bombs. "Must we stand by and watch as our relationship self-destructs?"

Of all the people who come to me for astrological consultations, very few marry the sign with whom they are considered to be compatible. I feel that one of the main attributes of the Aquarian age is that you have the right to be an individual and complete within yourself, but what this does to relationships is still to be discovered. Most of my astrology readings are about relationships; not so much who you're compatible with, but how to have a working relationship with the one you're with already.

Even couples with traditionally compatible signs fear conflict and seem to be unsure of the securing of their relationship. With half of the marriages ending up in the divorce court you can understand their alarm, but I'm always a little surprised at their feelings of helplessness. Can it be that astrology is giving out the wrong message? The age of Pisces, whose influence is fading daily as we go deeper into this new century, was a time when organized religion controlled marriage. With two thousand years ahead of us in the age of Aquarius, astrology will evolve as an empirical source of information. In this new age we will develop a larger vision and be aware of the power and creativity that arise out of the play of differences.

Love Transcends Differences

Relationships are not only about togetherness.

You must learn to see that each day is a chance to experience your partner in a different way, and that the problems that naturally arise are full of possibilities for growth and change.

There is an old American Indian saying: "Take two birds and tie them together. You have two heads, four wings, and four feet, but they can't fly." After intense moments of connection you and your partner naturally retreat into separateness and feel yourselves as separate poles. This pause gives you the space to be who you are and stimulates the desire to come together again. And after all, aren't relationships the union of separate beings? We need a sense of our own space, our own identity, to be intimate.

In my astrology practice I've read many compatibility charts for couples. It has never occurred to me to tell couples with classically incompatible Sun signs to end their relationship; I give them insight on how to circumvent and transform the problems that arise. Basically incompatible signs such as Scorpio and Leo can develop a soul-bonded relationship, and even compatible signs generate a whole set of issues that have to be sorted out if a relationship is to succeed.

I find there are three basic types of relationships: one is to become involved with someone like yourself in world-view and emotional responses; another is to become involved with someone totally your opposite; then there are the alien relationships where you become involved with someone from a totally different background or culture and everything they do is fascinating or confusing. Romance has widened its territories so that today your partner logically could be from a different culture, race, and/or religion. These relationships have no chance of working without an understanding of how the process of love develops into intimacy.

Compatible or Not

Our greatest gift in life is choice.

It is important to remember that nothing in life is so ordained that it can't be changed. At every moment in time and space we have a 100 percent chance to make a decision through love or from a sense of need. Even if you and your partner have Sun signs that are traditionally incompatible, the soul inherently manages and transcends the influences of the stars.

There are couples who, according to their charts, aren't supposed to be compatible at all, who never have an argument, but even with the best of aspects there are no promises. To explain this you must understand what astrology offers you. Your Sun sign doesn't control you in any way. It's a subtle influence much like your nationality or the physical and emotional characteristics that you inherit from your family.

You can live your life very well without the benefit of astrology, but once you see how it influences your life it can become a valuable tool for self-help. The soul transcends time and space; it can use the energy of your Sun sign in several ways.

One of the obstacles to lasting marriages is that most mating is done in our twenties. Face it! Few of us are mature at that time. But even when people put off commitment until later there are no guarantees. Of course you have more life experience to draw from, but dating at any age is difficult because it requires vulnerability and risk. When I predicted a relationship for her, a single client of mine in her fifties moaned to me, "It's unnatural to date in your fifties."

Each stage of courtship and commitment brings new choices and a chance to grow closer. At each point we create a new path and a new life lesson. We have much more power to achieve what we want than we give ourselves credit for.

As we move into the new century, it is possible for people to live longer. There has to be respect, patience, and simple endurance, as well as love, to be married for fifty years or more.

Aquarian Age Relationships

Astrology doesn't have all the answers.

Astrology is a system we work through, much like a cosmic weather report. Astrology is a road map for spiritual growth and an invaluable source of information. There are two things in life that you can't change: that you are born into the earth plane and that eventually you will leave it. While you're here, you spend a lot of time trying to find out what life is all about, usually by interacting with others. In fact, the meaning of life is found primarily through relationships; that is the game of life. You have a choice in how you play the game, but to know yourself you must relate to others.

One day, there is a wake-up call: you lose your job; your partner asks for a divorce; someone dear to you dies; you may become seriously ill. Generally this call means that your life as you have known it is over. However it happens, suddenly your perspective changes and you need answers to questions you've never asked. Why am I here? Why did this happen to me? With new awareness and close scrutiny you find you possess undesired traits or handicaps as well as wonderful gifts or talents to use without much effort. This elevated conscious awareness looks past the obvious into the subtle. You can see the signature of the Creator.

Astrology is a great help; as a holistic tool for self-knowledge, it gives you pieces of the puzzle you wouldn't see otherwise. By observing your life as you live it, things you've overlooked in the past are more apparent. You find there are no coincidences, everything is connected, full of purpose and meaning. All of creation is one great unity and every minute counts. By putting the pieces together in a cohesive way you are able to help others see it too.

Aquarius is the sign of unity, and unity will be our lesson for the next two thousand years. When you learn that you are whole at a deep level of consciousness, then you won't expect outside things or other people to fill the emptiness inside or complete you. Then your relationships will improve, no matter what sign you are.

You can read every book, magazine, and newspaper in the world and still not understand what is really happening in your life and around you until you look within and come to the conclusion that life is a creative experience. When you take responsibility for the quality of your life, then you will be ready to attract and sustain a truly intimate and fulfilling relationship.

Soul-Centered Relationships

Astrology is a usable system and Aquarian astrology is a new way of looking at this ancient information.

Hidden in the zodiac's timeless symbols are potentials and possibilities. How you react to the compelling aspects of your Sun sign is your choice. People have changed very little physically through the ages, yet the world is very different today. We function today with a strong degree of personal autonomy, which would have been considered sacrilegious to the ancient mind.

Spiritual principles have been lost by choosing an intellectual approach to life instead of a holistic view. The ancients believed in a divine force through which the spiritual and physical universe becomes manifest. Because their religion and science was connected, they understood the force that permeates and links all levels of reality from the divine to the most material. Nature was an important part of their lives. We have lost this understanding in the last century and our world has been wounded by this separatism.

In the Aquarian age partnering can be done on an equal-footed basis. Relationships aren't based on what I can do for you or you can do for me, but what we can do together.

The Aquarian motto for relationships: I love you enough to give you the space to follow your own soul path and I want to share my life with you as you are.

Love comes from the soul. The more secure you are within yourself, the more soul connected you are and the better your chances of having a lasting relationship. To be happy with someone there must first be the vulnerability to join emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually with another human being. When you surrender to your soul, a great source of wisdom is tapped. You move past the level of natural affinities into mature understanding and the ability to weave yourself into another's life. You can see more possibilities and find solutions, no matter what your differences.

The hope of success in marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is to realize that the commitment is of itself an opportunity for you to mature. With so much emphasis on individuality in today's world we are so self-absorbed that there may be too much of an inclination to gratify ourselves, instead of understanding our partner's needs. Are you trying to make someone (anyone) love you without thinking objectively about the total picture? Are you using love as an aphrodisiac for your ego?

Secure within yourself, you can reach out to others without fear of loss. As you learn to accept yourself, you accept others. You must respect the simple everyday events of life as a way of building intimacy. You must let go of the feeling of the need to control the future. Wanting to make someone love you becomes redundant. The magic of love lies in the unknown. Love can't be controlled; it is a mystery and we are all seekers.

In Transition to a New Age

Astrology is ruled by Aquarius. The symbols of astrology coded with endless knowledge will move into power as a beacon for transformation. As we enter the Aquarian age the primary frontier will be how to handle truth and honesty. There will be no secrets. At this time the Piscean age, with its vision of self-expression as well as self-delusion, still prevails in our society. As we go through this transition from one age to another, we still have the conditioned responses of past history and traditions. Many of these have been fraudulently emotional and flagrantly dishonest.

As the Aquarian age of electricity and worldwide communications moves forward, you will have the chance to expand mentally and spiritually.

With so much information available, you must exercise your ultimate freedom -- the ability to choose your attitude and actions in a given set of circumstances. Morally you have the power to choose what you want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. This calls for, as Victor Frankl says in his book Man's Search for Meaning, "taking on the responsibility of passing the torch to independent and inventive, innovative and creative spirits." The challenge will be how to sort out the superfluous, the trite, and know what is usable and valuable.

Aquarian age astrology is a wonderful help in such complex times. The point is not so much whether you are compatible with your mate or not, but what in your nature needs work to keep your intimacy bond intact. As we move forward in time, relationships will not be based on living up to other people's ideas of your responsibility, or the fear of God's wrath. It's simply a matter of creating a space of equanimity with your partner through trust and, yes, real love.

The Aquarian age will open the door to new dimensions of understanding. We are being forced to simplify our lifestyles and practice our values. At this time with the media ruthlessly grabbing news like swarms of sharks feeding on one piece of bait, we hear more than we ever wanted to hear on one subject. There will be no secrets. The truth will be there, but it is so fragmented that it takes a person who is psychological and spiritually developed to know what is real and what is not. In the past we didn't know the facts about the personal lives of people in power. Now we do, whether we want to or not. Nothing is hidden, but it can also be distorted. We must face the facts, but the truth is still just as elusive as it was before the information age. This is true in all aspects of our lives, in our places of business as well as in our homes.

A Path of Detachment

Astrology as a system is totally without attachment; you are neither good nor bad.

There is no psychological system that goes so impartially into the heart of the matter as quickly as astrology. In my first book Soul Signs, I explain that each sign is endowed with a unique gift -- a person's Soul Power -- and the aspect of a person's personality that can stand in the way of personal growth and development, their Ego Blockage. Your Soul Power and Ego Blockage relate directly to the gift and challenge of your Sun sign's approach to love. When you operate out of your Soul Power, you have the absolute confidence in yourself needed to open your heart, and your relationships are greatly improved. If you look for someone else to make you complete, you'll be very disappointed. Knowing your Ego Blockage can help you be aware when you are acting out of selfishness, not love.

We are really all alike in a spiritual sense. There is a divine spark that dwells in everyone. The reason you are alive is to connect with your own soul. Our purpose is to live a life filled with love. We are here to experience joy. The secret is to be at ease with yourself and to be in harmony with what is happening in your life, no matter how uncomfortable. This is a struggle we share with everyone. We are here at this time because we choose to go through this great transition together.

A Piece of Reality

Your horoscope tells you about your talents and your weaknesses.

Astrology is so applicable to the human condition that even your personal horoscopes in magazines and daily newspapers are amazingly accurate, especially if they are written by excellent astrologers. Your Sun sign describes a level of interconnectedness among the rest of your Sun sign family; yet you still act out the individual characteristics that originated on your own birth day, at your birth time, in your own way.

After using astrology for thirty years, I know that it opens you to parts of yourself very quickly and, even more important, these hidden parts of you can be revealed, retrieved, and integrated. By taking these attributes to heart, you leave behind a lot of confusion, become more conscious, and make better decisions. In his book Pope's Sayings, Alexander Pope said, "Know then thyself presume not God to scan, the perfect study of mankind is man." Study your Sun sign, your ascendant, and your Moon sign. Find out and read about your sweetheart's Sun sign as well. It helps to know the one you're with. Your sign is coded; you might even say it's fated with certain inner attributes that are entirely predictable.

Astrology Versus Science

Hard logic takes the heart out of astrology; it is an art and a science, but it can't be proved scientifically. Our present scientific method is an excellent system that collects isolated facts and carries through to a logical conclusion. This rational system, as great as it is for certain subjects, can't be used accurately in the subtle areas of life involving emotions and feelings, which can't be seen or measured.

Science is ruled by Aquarius, a fixed and stubborn air sign. There is much competition in the scientific field and there is a tendency to become rigid and fanatical -- freezing out the ideas of the original theoretician. The inflexible scientific orientation of present-day thinking undermines a natural sense of spiritual balance in that it leaves out a lot of information. We need more emphasis on a holistic approach. Human problems are being neglected. Your inner nature can't be measured. You're not a statistic. Even if you go into your subconscious with a floodlight you can't see everything stored in there all at once. Your feelings can't be sorted out and categorized, even though you might try. Your Sun sign tells you what qualities you are working with, not what is going to happen or what you will do. Nothing is so drastic that you can't change your attitude about it or so good that all your problems are swept away. Remember your soul is always there giving you insight and courage to handle everything you picked to go through in this lifetime.

A Science in Itself

Sadly, in this age of so much information, we are all thrown into a jungle of possibilities without a firm guiding synthesis.

Alan Watts, in his book Nature Man and Woman, says, "Thought, with its serial, one-at-a-time way of looking at things, is ever looking to the future to solve problems which can be handled only in the present, but not in the fragmentary present of fixed and pointed attention."

In the world today it seems we are required to accept a mechanical reason for everything. Without the understanding of your unconscious you lose sight of the whole and become fragmented, mentally and emotionally. Astrology helps by giving meaning to life situations you couldn't see otherwise. It helps you to find solutions that otherwise would fall through the net.

You must realize that not everything that counts can be counted. An eternal lightness of being animates your human form. It is the soul that has humans, not the reverse.

The very essence of the soul is liberation. The word psyche means "soul." If you look it up in the dictionary, the original meaning for psyche is from the Greek word for "breathe." (It is interesting that so many of the words having to do with higher consciousness in different cultures come from words meaning "breath of God.")

Courtship and Commitment

The biggest surprise of all is that deeply coded in the evolving symbols of the zodiac are clues to positive steps of courtship and soul bonding.

The zodiac is a series of twelve phases that lends itself to the complex subject of falling in love and making a commitment. Starting from Aries, which rules the head, and going all the way around the zodiac to the feet or finalizing point in Pisces, you'll find a developmental flow that will help you to keep an account of where you are when you are in a relationship. By learning these phases you can stay balanced and go through key points where relationships get stuck, progress, or dissolve. These are guidelines only; instead of limiting you they support you in meeting your goal of true love.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.

"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"What does that mean -- 'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I'm nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Copyright © 2001 by Diane Eichenbaum