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Table of Contents
About The Book
From grief quests to altar-making, to dinner parties to Dungeons & Dragons, Renegade Grief is a profound and vulnerable exploration of care practices and rituals that empower grievers in a culture that expects us to simply “give it time.”
So, you’ve lost someone. At first, there is an outpour of support and phone calls and care packages. But after the services are done and the phone stops ringing, there is a quiet in the air and an expectation to get on with your life as previously planned. The problem is that death has a way of making all plans go out the window. Renegade Grief offers the support in this next stage of grieving—when you feel isolated in your loss and are figuring out how to navigate it.
Shaped by her own experience with the death of her father and her time cofounding The Dinner Party, a leading peer-support organization for people who’ve experienced a major loss, Carla Fernandez pushes back on the death-denying culture we live in. For too long, grief has been treated as something pitiable, simply sad, to be gotten over as soon as possible. But after fifteen years of being in a community with fellow grievers, Carla has witnessed a different side of the story. Grieving a significant loss is hardcore, hardly something to be swept under the rug, but an experience to be held with respect, a creative spirit, and with friends. Through inspiring stories of real grievers, patterns from across history, and fresh science, Renegade Grief enlivens you with the permission and possibility to explore your grief in your own unique way and reminds you that you’re not alone in doing it.
Renegade Grief is an indispensable resource for people at any stage of the grieving process and with Carla’s candid and compassionate guidance, you learn that life after loss isn’t about the futile attempt of arriving at some other side. Rather, it’s about building your community, adjusting to change, and finding the way for your grief to become a pathway into your own version of a soulful life.
So, you’ve lost someone. At first, there is an outpour of support and phone calls and care packages. But after the services are done and the phone stops ringing, there is a quiet in the air and an expectation to get on with your life as previously planned. The problem is that death has a way of making all plans go out the window. Renegade Grief offers the support in this next stage of grieving—when you feel isolated in your loss and are figuring out how to navigate it.
Shaped by her own experience with the death of her father and her time cofounding The Dinner Party, a leading peer-support organization for people who’ve experienced a major loss, Carla Fernandez pushes back on the death-denying culture we live in. For too long, grief has been treated as something pitiable, simply sad, to be gotten over as soon as possible. But after fifteen years of being in a community with fellow grievers, Carla has witnessed a different side of the story. Grieving a significant loss is hardcore, hardly something to be swept under the rug, but an experience to be held with respect, a creative spirit, and with friends. Through inspiring stories of real grievers, patterns from across history, and fresh science, Renegade Grief enlivens you with the permission and possibility to explore your grief in your own unique way and reminds you that you’re not alone in doing it.
Renegade Grief is an indispensable resource for people at any stage of the grieving process and with Carla’s candid and compassionate guidance, you learn that life after loss isn’t about the futile attempt of arriving at some other side. Rather, it’s about building your community, adjusting to change, and finding the way for your grief to become a pathway into your own version of a soulful life.
Reading Group Guide
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This reading group guide for Renegade Grief includes discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book. For additional resources, visit https://www.carlafernandez.co/book-resources.
Topics and Questions for Discussion:
Renegade Grief in Your Own Words
1. What are the care practices or forms of peer support that have been most supportive to you in your loss?
2. Any care practices or forms of peer support that you thought would be supportive, but ended up being a flop? Explain why.
3. Have there been any parts of your grief experience that have required you to go renegade - to defy the status quo? Or ways that the cultural expectation around grief have left you feeling like there must be another way?
4. If you let yourself lean into the renegade spirit in your grief journey, what permission might that give you?
5. If you were to explain to a new member of the grief club what they needed to “get ready to ride”, what would you share with them, or what questions would you encourage them to ask themselves?
Supporting Each Other & Strengthening Community
1. How do you feel supported in your grief? Where do you still need support?
2.What does being a grief ally mean to you? How can you show up for others in their grief?
3.What cultural or familial grief traditions have shaped your understanding of loss?
4. What kind of ongoing check-in or ritual can this group do to support one another beyond this discussion?
5.How can we collectively create more space for grief in our communities and relationships?
Exploring the Book
1. Was there a chapter, story, or care practice that spoke to you deeply? Why?
2.Were there any parts of the book that didn't resonate with you or felt challenging?
3. Is there a grief care practice from the book that you'd like to try—or one you know you never will? Why?
4.How does Renegade Grief challenge or affirm the way you have been taught to grieve?
5.What emotions or memories surfaced for you while reading?
Topics and Questions for Discussion:
Renegade Grief in Your Own Words
1. What are the care practices or forms of peer support that have been most supportive to you in your loss?
2. Any care practices or forms of peer support that you thought would be supportive, but ended up being a flop? Explain why.
3. Have there been any parts of your grief experience that have required you to go renegade - to defy the status quo? Or ways that the cultural expectation around grief have left you feeling like there must be another way?
4. If you let yourself lean into the renegade spirit in your grief journey, what permission might that give you?
5. If you were to explain to a new member of the grief club what they needed to “get ready to ride”, what would you share with them, or what questions would you encourage them to ask themselves?
Supporting Each Other & Strengthening Community
1. How do you feel supported in your grief? Where do you still need support?
2.What does being a grief ally mean to you? How can you show up for others in their grief?
3.What cultural or familial grief traditions have shaped your understanding of loss?
4. What kind of ongoing check-in or ritual can this group do to support one another beyond this discussion?
5.How can we collectively create more space for grief in our communities and relationships?
Exploring the Book
1. Was there a chapter, story, or care practice that spoke to you deeply? Why?
2.Were there any parts of the book that didn't resonate with you or felt challenging?
3. Is there a grief care practice from the book that you'd like to try—or one you know you never will? Why?
4.How does Renegade Grief challenge or affirm the way you have been taught to grieve?
5.What emotions or memories surfaced for you while reading?
About The Author
Photograph by Ivan Cash
Carla Fernandez’s work focuses on how circles come together to foster collective care and change culture when a new status quo is called for. She is the cofounder of The Dinner Party, a national network of peer-support circles for young adult grievers, featured in The New York Times, NPR, Oprah Daily, and cited in multiple books. In addition to her work in grief, Carla partners with a range of clients through her community design studio as an impact strategist and facilitator, particularly on initiatives related to climate change, democracy, and the arts. Carla is a senior fellow with USC’s Annenberg School Innovation Lab and a Catherine B. Reynolds Foundation Scholar in Social Entrepreneurship at NYU. She divides her time between the Hudson Valley and Joshua Tree.
Product Details
- Publisher: Simon & Schuster (March 11, 2025)
- Length: 288 pages
- ISBN13: 9781668001837
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Raves and Reviews
"Carla Fernandez and The Dinner Party have been leading a quiet revolution for decades, borne of the tender insight that we must walk with, share, and metabolize grief and loss if we want to be healed and whole. Yet we do not know how to grieve in this society, and we leave ourselves and others isolated and floundering with loss. In a world awash in pain, and increasingly defined by so much change and so many forms of loss, we need to know what she has been presciently learning on behalf of us all. This book is an offering to the struggle and art of being human, an essential tool for inhabiting this time in the life of the world."—Krista Tippett, New York Times bestselling author and Peabody Award winning host of the Onbeing Podcast
“An incisive, warm, inviting, illuminating and boldly practical guide for the grieving heart. These stories and tools offer a way forward and deeper understanding as life evolves after loss.”—Tembi Locke, New York Times bestselling author of From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home
"A wonderfully relatable, insightful manual for how to live *into* grief--rather than run away from it. Filled with ritual inspiration and practical advice, Fernandez has written a book to nourish your soul."—Casper Ter Kuile, author of The Power Ritual
"Who knew that grief was something we all need to practice? This book is an essential guide. I laughed, I cried, I entered a whole new reality."—Ann Friedman, New York Times bestselling co-author of Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close
"Renegade Grief was an answer to a prayer I didn’t have the words for yet. Like water, this book poured itself into the wounds of grief I carried and unearthed countless pathways of holding both the sensitivity and profound sorrow that can arise from losing someone you love. Carla’s ability to gently yet powerfully guide the reader through one of the most turbulent landscapes any of us will face is astonishing. Each page cradles your sorrow like a beloved friend, whispering truths that feel both ancient and intimately yours. Renegade Grief does not rush the healing process, nor demand your joy before its time—it simply walks beside you as a companion through it all. This is not just a book; it is a sacred space where tears can fall freely and hope, like dawn, can begin to bloom again."—A. Helwa, international bestselling author of Secrets of Divine Love: A Spiritual Journey into the Heart of Islam
“Carla Fernandez has penned a kind, honest, nuanced, knowing, practical guide and permission slip to bring grief back into its rightful place in modern life.”—Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering
"With clear eyes and a full heart, Carla Fernandez is a deft and treasured guide through what doesn’t have to be an isolating experience."—iO Tillett Wright, Author of Darling Days
Resources and Downloads
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- Book Cover Image (jpg): Renegade Grief eBook 9781668001837
- Author Photo (jpg): Carla Fernandez Photograph by Ivan Cash(0.1 MB)
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