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Published by ECW Press
Distributed by Simon & Schuster
Table of Contents
About The Book
An indispensable guide to parents of hockey hopefuls
At a time of great change in hockey, Justin Davis exposes the dark underbelly of the journey from the minors to the big leagues
Hockey culture: it’s a commonly used phrase inside the game, glorifying sacrifice, toughness, loyalty, and a sense of identity. Justin Davis viewed this culture as something he was lucky enough to experience. After all, he’d won a Memorial Cup after leading the tournament in scoring, and he’d been drafted by the Washington Capitals. “In my mind,” he says, “I was the normal one.” Unfortunately, after stepping outside the game, he began to recognize the racism, sexual abuse and bullying that was so deeply ingrained in the sport. And then, as his own children grew into teenagers, the curtain was pulled back, the memories came rushing forward, and he was horrified: “Why was I naked in a bus bathroom for four hours with seven teammates? What happened to my brain, and why can’t I remember the simplest things? How did I end up living in a basement where the strangers upstairs were clearly engaged in domestic abuse?”
As it navigates the sport’s darkest corridors, Conflicted Scars shares the story of the common Canadian player and offers a guide for parents who need to know how and why a typical teenager with NHL dreams, from a small town, now lives anxiously, introvertedly, and battling emotional detachment.
At a time of great change in hockey, Justin Davis exposes the dark underbelly of the journey from the minors to the big leagues
Hockey culture: it’s a commonly used phrase inside the game, glorifying sacrifice, toughness, loyalty, and a sense of identity. Justin Davis viewed this culture as something he was lucky enough to experience. After all, he’d won a Memorial Cup after leading the tournament in scoring, and he’d been drafted by the Washington Capitals. “In my mind,” he says, “I was the normal one.” Unfortunately, after stepping outside the game, he began to recognize the racism, sexual abuse and bullying that was so deeply ingrained in the sport. And then, as his own children grew into teenagers, the curtain was pulled back, the memories came rushing forward, and he was horrified: “Why was I naked in a bus bathroom for four hours with seven teammates? What happened to my brain, and why can’t I remember the simplest things? How did I end up living in a basement where the strangers upstairs were clearly engaged in domestic abuse?”
As it navigates the sport’s darkest corridors, Conflicted Scars shares the story of the common Canadian player and offers a guide for parents who need to know how and why a typical teenager with NHL dreams, from a small town, now lives anxiously, introvertedly, and battling emotional detachment.
Excerpt
You may have seen the cover of this book and asked yourself, why?
Why would an “average” hockey player whose name barely registers with hockey fans write a book, and why would anyone bother to read it? Why would this player think that anyone would spend time reading his story when his entire hockey career is currently being overshadowed by his 16-year-old son? Well, it’s complicated. The world of hockey has had a grand reawakening, and to quote the legendary Canadian hockey broadcaster, Bob Cole, “Everything is happening.” Since 2020, a growing number of high-profile coaches have been fired because of past transgressions, and many more are secretly feeling the heat. I can guarantee you there are numerous behind-the-scenes apology tours happening as we speak, orchestrated by abusive coaches looking to maintain their place inside the game. But the dressing room doors have opened, and these predators can no longer hide behind their organizations. At the same time, junior hockey has had to address decades of hazing incidents, the research being done on CTE has been eye-opening for former players, and Don Cherry’s firing has the NHL distancing itself from its storied past. Add Akim Aliu’s letter addressing the systemic racism in the game, and one thing is certainly clear: hockey needs to get better.
When Akim Aliu first told his story, my reaction was that he was soft. In my mind, he was a terrible team player and he sounded like an egotistical, cancerous presence. We all participated in the same initiations, we were all treated terribly by veteran players, and racism was just something that we normalized. I thought he was the issue; it was our job to conform to the norms of the hockey world. Varying from those norms, especially as a player of colour, was highly frowned upon. What’s said in the room stays in the room, and it appeared to me that Akim was breaking the hockey code. I soon realized that I was the issue, not Akim. Throughout my career, I was complicit in this behaviour, and I never stood up to stop it. I was ignorant. One coach would ask an Indigenous teammate if it would be easier to send him a smokescreen than explain the drill, and anyone with an Indigenous background would be called “Chief” … I heard the N-word numerous times, in the dressing room, the stands, and on the ice, and although I knew it was wrong and wouldn’t say it myself, in my mind it wasn’t my problem. One of my childhood friends, while playing pro hockey in Germany, had bananas thrown at him during a game, but I never asked what I could do to help. Afraid of risking my own career by taking a stand, I never once spoke up to say this was wrong. Former teammates who should’ve been any coach’s favourite were somehow treated differently, even though they did everything that was asked of them. Only now can I see this clearly.
Why would an “average” hockey player whose name barely registers with hockey fans write a book, and why would anyone bother to read it? Why would this player think that anyone would spend time reading his story when his entire hockey career is currently being overshadowed by his 16-year-old son? Well, it’s complicated. The world of hockey has had a grand reawakening, and to quote the legendary Canadian hockey broadcaster, Bob Cole, “Everything is happening.” Since 2020, a growing number of high-profile coaches have been fired because of past transgressions, and many more are secretly feeling the heat. I can guarantee you there are numerous behind-the-scenes apology tours happening as we speak, orchestrated by abusive coaches looking to maintain their place inside the game. But the dressing room doors have opened, and these predators can no longer hide behind their organizations. At the same time, junior hockey has had to address decades of hazing incidents, the research being done on CTE has been eye-opening for former players, and Don Cherry’s firing has the NHL distancing itself from its storied past. Add Akim Aliu’s letter addressing the systemic racism in the game, and one thing is certainly clear: hockey needs to get better.
When Akim Aliu first told his story, my reaction was that he was soft. In my mind, he was a terrible team player and he sounded like an egotistical, cancerous presence. We all participated in the same initiations, we were all treated terribly by veteran players, and racism was just something that we normalized. I thought he was the issue; it was our job to conform to the norms of the hockey world. Varying from those norms, especially as a player of colour, was highly frowned upon. What’s said in the room stays in the room, and it appeared to me that Akim was breaking the hockey code. I soon realized that I was the issue, not Akim. Throughout my career, I was complicit in this behaviour, and I never stood up to stop it. I was ignorant. One coach would ask an Indigenous teammate if it would be easier to send him a smokescreen than explain the drill, and anyone with an Indigenous background would be called “Chief” … I heard the N-word numerous times, in the dressing room, the stands, and on the ice, and although I knew it was wrong and wouldn’t say it myself, in my mind it wasn’t my problem. One of my childhood friends, while playing pro hockey in Germany, had bananas thrown at him during a game, but I never asked what I could do to help. Afraid of risking my own career by taking a stand, I never once spoke up to say this was wrong. Former teammates who should’ve been any coach’s favourite were somehow treated differently, even though they did everything that was asked of them. Only now can I see this clearly.
Product Details
- Publisher: ECW Press (October 18, 2022)
- Length: 208 pages
- ISBN13: 9781770416239
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Raves and Reviews
“[A] very powerful, raw memoir calling into question many aspects of a hockey culture that glorifies sacrifice, toughness, and loyalty.” — Library Journal
“This is a deeply introspective, brutally honest memoir and a stark exposé of a part of hockey that remained hidden for far too long.” — Booklist
“I loved playing in the OHL, the second-best league in the world, and I have loved my life in the NHL. Justin’s book should be on the shelf of every hockey parent. He has some amazing stories … and every former player will vouch for them. Canada loves hockey, and rightly so, but we have to make sure the kids come first. I am glad my friend wrote this book.” — Joe Thornton, 22-year NHL veteran and Hart Memorial and Art Ross Trophy winner
“Justin Davis shows us that hockey is a lot like life. It can be glorious. It can be painful. You can fall in love one moment and be heartbroken the next. This book is a must-read for anyone who ever dreamed of playing in the NHL, or perhaps more importantly, for any parent who is dreaming that their child could be ‘The Next One.’” — Ken Reid, Sportsnet Central Host and best-selling author of Hockey Card Stories
“Justin Davis blows the doors off all your assumptions about Junior hockey. He courageously reevaluates the toxic culture he was part of and what was considered to be normal rites of passage and team-bonding by everyone involved in the sport. Conflicted Scars is essential reading for all hockey fans and an important contribution in exposing the dark underbelly of the game that has been kept secret for far too long.” — Allan Walsh, Player Agent
“Honest, sometimes uncomfortable storytelling that makes this a must-read for every parent whose child is chasing the all-too-familiar dream of becoming a professional hockey player. Multiple Are you kidding me? moments. I couldn’t put it down.” — Rick Westhead, Senior Correspondent at TSN Sports and CTV National News
“In hockey, we celebrate the stories of the stars that play the game and glorify the scars that come with it. This book uncovers the internal scars players face long-term and their struggles to figure out right and wrong. Justin Davis has lived and breathed the game and its many nuances and contradictions. He beautifully captures why the sport leaves so many with those conflicted scars.” — James Duthie, award-winning host of TSN Hockey and bestselling author of The Guy on the Left
“Conflicted Scars, then, is something of a therapy session — someone’s attempt to sort out ‘how did I get here?’ There’s plenty to unpack here, and it might take others to figure out what happened to people like Davis and what to do about it.” — Sports Book Review Center blog
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